I have a policy on my discord server - ask for permission before using honorifics (also ask before calling someone slut, whore, and maybe even good girl).
It is also my personal policy as well. My name is Livany, or you can call me Liv or Livany, but if you wish to call me Ms. Livany, you need to ask my permission. If you wish to call me Mistress, you need to earn that title, and frankly, so do I.
That does not mean I don’t occasionally call someone Sir or Ma’am when the moment warrants. It does mean that if I desire to call a person something other than their given name, that I ask permission. Nor does it mean if someone calls me Ms, Ma’am, or Miss that I am offended. I judge intent. I do direct them to ask.
Why do I do this? Because using an honorific with someone is changing the power dynamic. This happens outside of kink as well, but in kink, it is more pronounced. There is a symbolic meaning to honorifics. We deserve the right to consent.
In consenting, we have a responsibility, both to ourselves and others. I typically ask why someone wishes to call me Ms. Livany. The answers are frequently heartwarming, endearing, and sometimes make my panties wet. I have yet to say no, but there are reasons I would. This question helps me to understand the established boundaries of the relationship. To understand how the other person views me.
I have had people give me titles that I did not want, Goddess, because it was merely a different way of saying Mistress, which was not a title I desired, nor had our relationship evolved to that point.
I hope this will help people think about when and why they are using honorifics, and if someone asks to use one, ask what that means for the relationship.